Helping in Public
I've been asked numerous times by others how they can help me in a public situation. You know, when you see a child like Jayden hitting himself and the exhausted mom (me lol) trying to get him to stop while doing whatever I left the house to do that day lol. I think these situations are a bit different than the child in aisle 6 having a meltdown because they can't have what they want (still my daughter at age 16 lol). Although those situations are tough enough. The kid is screaming like you're trying to murder them because you said no damn fruit snacks today and they just won't stop lol. Definitely, help out a Momma in these situations.
Anyway, back to this post lol. Now I understand many of you are not from "my world;" the special needs world. So you may have never witnessed a situation like I'm about to describe (although if you're a JFM and are planning to go to the blowing event, Jayden will definitely show you lol). However, I'm providing you this information just in case. Also because you can apply it to any situation where a child has lost their damn mind lol.
So, you're out, you hear some screaming going on and what sounds like someone hitting someone over and over again. You turn around ready to run to a child's aid as he's possibly being abused by a parent only you find that the child is doing it to himself. What can you do to help the mom who is probably trying to smile at you right now so you don't see how they are about to just plop down and start banging their own head lol.
First thing, you can smile. Smile to show you are present, smile to show that you are not judging her, and most importantly, smile because she needs to know you understand even though you may not. What you shouldn't do is look at her in disbelief or horror as you pull your child to the furthest position away from her. It's hurtful. (I have had it happen many times!) It makes an already difficult situation worse because you make that mom feel like all eyes are on her judging every move she makes. Now at this point, if you don't want to enter the situation further, that's okay! Give that smile, maybe even say something like; you're doing great momma then go about your business.
If you feel the need to help her with more than just a smile, do so. But how? Well, if you're in a check out line, offer for them to go to the front of the line, offer to put all the stuff on the belt and tell her you'll yell when it's time to pay this way she can remove themselves for a minute, which sometimes stops the child's behavior. If you're not in a line, maybe you're at a Dr's office or somewhere else where the problem may be the waiting (Jayden's biggest issue while out). Go up and request that they are taken back next so the child will calm down. Well, why should you get to move ahead because you have a "bad" kid? I've been asked this. My kid is not bad; he is literally hurting himself because things are taking so long. His face is red and swollen and sometimes bleeding because he's hitting himself so much. That's why they should move ahead.
I think the best interaction I've ever had where someone helped me was at a flea market. His behavior had been great all day, so I thought it would be okay to try to go out and have fun. He loves walking around those places! However, someone got too close to him, made eye contact, then tried to speak to him. Normal of course, but he wasn't too happy about it lol. He started screaming and hitting himself. I attempted to block his hits as I'm pushing his wheelchair to get to the car. I'm getting scratched and bit, he's going insane. I can only imagine how we looked lol. All out of nowhere, this woman comes up, notices his bag is mickey mouse. During his screaming, she screams (only way I could hear her), does he like Mickey? I say yes while thinking, who cares, lady! Well, she cared! This lady broke out into the hot dog song singing (as loud as she could) and dancing like a crazy person lol. Jayden instantly shut up and began dancing and getting excited. This lady sang and danced to that song twice, smiled at me, then walked away, but it gave me a second to regroup. You know, we were at that flea market for two more hours that day and never had another meltdown. That lady will never know what she did that day. What she allowed me to avoid that day. If you are that lady and you're reading this, please contact me!
My point is, just help in any way you see fit. Now the situation with the singing could have made him worse. It may not have stopped him, and the woman may have felt stupid singing and dancing had it not helped, but who cares. He was already on the crazyville train, so even if it didn't help, we both would have moved on. She put herself out there, definitely thought outside of the box, and actually helped us during a very difficult situation. I am thankful for that! Since then, I have definitely put myself out there more than once trying to help calm other children like Jayden down. However, I find crazy singing and line dancing to work the best for most kids! Haha