Self-Care or the Lack Of
Self-care; what the hell is that? Getting time alone, spending time with family and friends, maybe going out for a day to the spa and pampering yourself? Ha! Self-care simply does not happen in families such as mine. Why? Well because the care of the child always comes first. People will suggest that you get a babysitter, use county respite care services, or hire a nurse. Those options just are not feasible for a family like mine. Don’t get me wrong, when Jayden was younger, it was easier to secure someone if it was absolutely necessary, but if it wasn’t some sort of an emergency, it was still difficult and expensive. There have been many back procedures that I have had done without sedation and Jayden nearby because I didn’t have someone to care for him. This was BEFORE his severe behaviors came into play! Imagine how difficult that would be now!
There are more things involved with getting a “sitter” than just finding someone who can deal with medical things. He self-harms, he will bite, scratch, and pull the hair of those trying to stop him from self-harming, so it’s not an easy role to fill being his “baby sitter.” I can see the ad now……”Searching for an occasional baby sitter for a 9 year old with special needs. Must be able to deal with him and keep a smile on your face while he is biting, scratching, and pulling your hair out the entire time you are watching him. If this sounds like a perfect fit for you, please contact me!” Now, do you see my point? Lol.
So, how do I take care of myself then to ensure that I can fulfill my role as a parent, student, and wife? Well, you get creative. You sit on the toilet for an hour, you take long baths (with everyone in the house watching, of course, lol), and you just learn how to escape for a few minutes when you need it the most. I have learned how to completely remove my mind from the situation when needed. It helps a lot. For example, if Jayden is screaming (as long as he is not hurting himself) nonstop because he doesn’t want to go to bed or maybe he wants something he can’t have, I have the ability to not even hear the screams lol. Now David and Krysta do not like this because they will try to talk to me and I do not hear a word they say lol. I guess you can call it meditation of sorts. Screaming and crying do not bother me one bit. I will honestly tone it all out to the point where I can sleep right through it all and will wake up when he stops lol. This may not be everyone’s idea of self-care, but it is definitely what works for me in this crazy house lol.